JUST SAY, “YOU’RE WELCOME”
The blockage of the receiving channels of the energy body, ingrained fears around receiving, as well as the habitual behavior of over-giving, has instigated a variety of dis-eases in people. Primarily I observe this in those in female bodies, though many males are also struggling with this imbalance.
Most women are conditioned to over-give from a very young age. When you over-give and you are never taught to receive, then you come to a state of imbalance in your life, and to some degree you never know why you feel out of balance. You may cognitively know that you must also receive to fill yourself back up, but you may not know how to actually receive, to actually fill yourself back up. So, even though it is a concept which you understand; true balance is hard to actualize in your life, because you don’t know what it feels like. So, I want to talk about this concept, this quality of true balance and, in particular, the ability to exercise the muscle of receiving.
Most women feel uncomfortable with just receiving from others. When energies in the form of gratitude come to them, (which is the most common form; or the form of love is also very common), they don’t really let them in. I know many people who will behave as if they are letting these appreciations in, but they are actually deflecting.
“Oh, no, thank you!”
“You look gorgeous today”…
“Aw, no, you look great!”
“Why don’t you let me do that?”
“No, no, I’ve got it!”
Support, appreciation, and love come towards these people, but then are flipped right back out, so they never actually penetrate into the person as a nourishing substance for their body/mind/spirit. These people have a practiced behavior that looks like receiving, but they are still just giving.
Is this you?
It has most certainly been me!
So, what is this? Where does this come from? What is the fear underlying this block?
VULNERABILITY ISN’T AN OPTION BECAUSE…
Is it possible that when energy is offered and comes close, even if it is from a safe presence, to truly surrender and receive that energy can feel very threatening? Could there be a part of the ego that is young that will absolutely not relinquish their control over what comes in and what stays out.
So, here comes someone saying, “Oh thank you, thank you! I love you!”, and instead of feeling seen and honored, you feel overwhelmed and panicky. A need to deflect the attention immediately takes you over.
What is really happening on the inside with someone who blocks receiving?
Let’s explore a possible inner-dialogue:
I’m not going to take that love in, because if I do, it could touch a tender place in me, and I might just collapse into tears. What if it unlocks the part of me that has always felt unseen? I’m afraid of losing control of myself. That’s just unacceptable. If I let love in, it might feel like everything is falling apart. It can feel like I suddenly have no boundaries.
I don’t know how to keep a healthy boundary and receive, because I just have one concept of protection and that’s a strong, controlled boundary. My survival thinking says: If I let love in, I have to drop the protecting boundary around my heart, and then I will be unsafe because my boundary is down, so I can’t do that. Yet, to not hurt your feelings, I’ll pretend to let it in and I’ll act moved. I want you to think I am a sensitive, genuine person.
THE CORE BELIEF THAT KEEPS US IN DEFICIT
There is an erroneous belief here that “the boundary is a necessary protective shield that keeps me safe.” Then there is a core belief beneath that, hidden even deeper, at the heart of things, that says, “The world is a painful place. No one can be trusted.” Or “I’m expendable and unlovable.” Core beliefs are absolute understandings of reality formed from our very early experiences of life. They can hold some truth, but mostly they are formed as a survival strategy of the young ego. Eventually, we must grow out of them, if we are to ascend to higher levels of consciousness and spiritual fulfillment.
If receiving love is challenging for you, it could be that your first encounters with love may have been confusing or unsafe. These initial encounters may not have been energetically clean. They may have even been packaged in loving verbiage but the energy was graspy and needy. Conditional love is not love. When our first experiences of love are conditional, our young psyches immediately start constructing protection to survive in an environment that is conditional- that is, the people around us have conditions about how we act, speak, and exist, and if we want to receive food, shelter, care, protection, or… the like, we must play our role.
You must give this, to receive that… What a trick!
Our core needs for survival, as babies and children, should never hinge on what we give in return. Never. Not until puberty, when we traditionally take on a role of more responsibility in our communities. Until then, we receive from our families and communities simply because we exist. That’s the gift we give- Existing. Healthy societies know this as a timeless, foundational truth.
Now, we are getting to more of the nitty-gritty about what is really underlying our inability to receive as adults. All of this fear is underneath and behind our deflective reaction and our pretending around receiving. You can see the vicious circle this creates, because if we don’t receive, and we don’t learn how to receive as we grow older, we will become very depleted, resentful, depressed, and lonely. You can’t just give and deflect, and give and deflect and expect to feel deeply nourished and satisfied with life.
Maybe we have one safe person that we can receive from. Maybe we know we can go to nature and receive. Maybe we can take a bath and feel the water holding us. Thank God we have that! Yet, the block to receiving from people or culture or maybe even Source, is blocked. Where the core wounded belief resides, is where we stop the flow of receiving. Where we stop the flow of receiving, is where we suffer, because we are outside of the Great Harmony. If our wounded beliefs are around safety, we will shut down receiving because we don’t feel safe. When our wounded beliefs are around trust, we will shut down receiving because we can’t trust others…Etc.
My friend, what will it take to once again trust in the Great Harmony? Trust again in Love? What experience do you need to have to restore your faith? You may not know…but you can still invoke it.
Can you imagine what would it be like to live 100% full-up? Topped off? Overflowing, even? Can you imagine that? Oh, let’s imagine it!
THE POWER OF IMAGINATION TO CREATE REALITY
Imagine that you are completely safe and in this state of pure security in your being, it is easy to receive, and in this state of ease and receiving you can feel that so many people love you to a degree that you haven’t even realized before. You can feel the energy of their love swimming with your love for them. Feel the world around you gently loving you. Imagine being able to receive Universal Love, penetrating through your aura, and filling you in a safe way.
Repeat after me:
“I am feeling feeling feeling nourishment from receiving, and this feels safe.”
Imagination is an incredible human ability we can use to make our deepest dreams come true. When we imagine things, we choose them. Here I am in my reality, and I say, “This tangible world is all there is. I have no power to change things.” But wait, now I am going to imagine something different that will be nourishing for me. I’m going to step out of this box, of this limited perception of reality, and I am going to go into my imagination that has no walls and is limitless and boundless. In my imagination field I am going to create what I want. I am going to dream feeling safe I am going to dream being able to receive love, and not have it obliterate me. I am going to dream that opening to receive love actually feels safer than my old, hardened boundary.
Wow! Are you feeling these things as you dream them? Oh wow, and you are still here! Go ahead, touch yourself all over. You’re here and you’re okay. It’s okay to dream, to imagine and therefore to create your life.
So, in the end we have choice. We can choose to believe the stories that we are not safe and that love is conditional. Or we can remember our true nature and our purpose here.
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, UNCONDITIONAL LIFE
Do you want to know unconditional love?
Do you want to give unconditional love?
Then have that intention! Have that intention strongly and choose it.
Repeat after me:
“No more conditional love. I am not interested in being in relationships with people that put conditions on me. I am not interested in catering to people who have an agenda for my life that dishonors my dreams. I used to think grasping for other’s approval was the only way to feel safe in my life, but now it is very clear to me that it is a self-created prison.
“I am interested in loving unconditionally. I am interested in giving from my pure heart. I am interested in receiving and being fulfilled with the energy streaming towards me and into me, from the millions of sources of unconditional love and gratitude in the universe. I am interested in that. Not only am I interested in that, I choose it.”
Wherever you are in your development or evolutionary process of building your receiving muscle, keep going! It is very worthy work to do! You cannot fulfill your purpose here if you are running at that lowest bit of energy and you are in deficit-mode. That is not living; or it’s living the bare minimum of what you’re actually capable of.
Let your imagination go! Imagine exactly what you want in detail- feel it, open to the joy of it, savor it! Feel what you truly desire for yourself. Keep being willing to see where the core erroneous beliefs lie in your body and mind, and keep penetrating those erroneous beliefs with the light of truth and your unconditional love. When you tell the Universe what you are willing to receive, the Universe says, “Okay, we will give you even more of that which you desire- even more love, even more freedom, even more bliss”. So, you’ve got to keep your thoughts on track with your highest dreams!
Feel and accept who you truly are and know that you are the bliss you seek, and you are the love you desire. You are already all of this goodness, right now. So, next time someone offers you appreciation, take a breath and let it in. Really let it in. Look into their eyes and simply say, “You’re Welcome.” Then close your eyes and feel yourself carried in the current of the Great Harmony.